Responsibility 101: Cookies, Blockbuster and Sex Abuse

In the wake of the Duggar controversy and the bizarre pageantry of support for the family who knowingly covered up the abuse as well as for Josh Duggar the abuser himself, I think it's time we go back to Responsibility 101. 

I see you Huckabee. 

Let me break this down for you: Josh Duggar molested at least five girls including younger sisters. His parents became aware of the abuse around the time of the occurrence. There is precious little information regarding the girls and how the parents sought help for them aside from the homeschool curriculum they used which squarely put the responsibility on the victims for being attacked and violated as punishment from God for immodesty and immorality. We know the treatment sought for Josh was dispensed by Bill Gothard's Institute in Basic Life Principles, the founder of which left in 2014 amid dozens of accusations of sexual harassment and grooming teens, as well as covering up his own affairs with at least five patients and further turning a blind eye to child abuse. It looks pretty damn bad from every angle. 

But for a moment, let's give the benefit of the doubt. What if, at the very least (and I mean literally, that absolute minimum) that Josh Duggar alone is legitimately remorseful? If so, super. But... he continued his holier-than-thou crusade against those he deemed unworthy and sinful without ever owning up to the impact and implications of his deplorable actions against the autonomy of these girls' bodies and psyches. He only showed shame and relented from the task of bullying others when the allegations surfaced publicly to the extremely righteous rage of the masses. He showed no outward crisis of conscience until it became absolutely necessary to mitigate damage control. In fact, in opposition to any remorse, he carried out systemically violent rhetoric and action against an entire population of marginalized people. 

Basically, he's like the kid who took cookies from the jar and was found out. He's not at all sorry he stole, but he's very, very sorry he got caught. 

It is an unfortunate reality that people cheat others. They take what they can get away with. They pass the buck. They push and they pull and so often their actions go unchecked in any meaningful way. The only barometer of their morality is how little others suspect of their wrongdoing. 

Sometimes this disregard for others is little more than a nuisance. Remember when you used to rent movies at Blockbuster and someone hadn't rewound the tape? Jerks. That's just annoying. But in far too many cases, people will continue to push the envelope, and every time they get away with their ratchet behavior, that same behavior is reinforced. The next time they push a little farther. 

And when this behavior is finally brought to light, what is even more inexcusable is that others jump to shield and protect the offender instead of those whose lives he left broken in ways that can never fully be repaired. 

Not my president.

So I'm going to just put this out there and ask you to take note: WE ARE ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT WE PUT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE. You may change. You may find the fault of your actions. You may feel shame or guilt or remorse for what you have done. 

But until you OWN it, you are perpetuating it. 

This goes for all acts that harm our fellow human beings. Racism. Sexism. Ageism. Ableism. Transphobia. Homophobia. Gossiping and rumor-mongering. Exploiting others. Throwing people under the bus. Physically assaulting people. Infringing on another's privacy, space, or ability to feel safe. Systemic violence. Taking bribes. Pandering. Catering to those most able to keep you in power at the expense of those most in need. And of course, sexual assault and abuse. 

Staying silent serves no one's interests but your own. It is an egregious act of self-interest. And inaction is the same as complicity. To come forward voluntarily and with humility, to do everything you can to right your wrongs, to take the consequences of your actions wholly and with grace would be a start. If you wait until all you can do is back-peddle, you deserve what you get. 

Luke 12:1-3 "Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops."