My Dearest Daughter, I Wish You This...

The love of my life. 

My precious daughter,

You amaze me. You have such a sunny disposition, a loving spirit, and you may be the funniest person I've ever met. Your inquisitive mind will serve you well. Your willingness to help and the care you show for the discomfort of others will make you a valued friend. But this world will not always be kind, and so my little sweetheart, I wish you this:

That you never forget how to say no. My sweet girl, you can be downright ornery. That's okay, you're three. But I love that you can and will say no. And insofar as it does not compromise your safety or risk enabling bad behavior or entitlement, if you say no I will comply. Someday it will be vital to your health and sanity to be able to say no with confidence. Do not apologize for saying no. I would hope you always promise only what you can deliver and deliver more than you promise if humanly possible, but you are not responsible for everything. Others must take responsibility for their own actions and inactions. Further, there may come a day when you simply feel uncomfortable with what someone wants from you. No one is entitled to your compliance. You say no, it means no.

That you realize not everyone you care about will care about you, and that has nothing to do with you. A lesson hard-learned in my own life, there will be people you feel you can help by being a good friend, or will bend over backwards to be there for, and those people may neglect you or even betray you. That is not a reflection on you, your worth, or what you have to offer. That is a reflection on something missing within them. Do not take it personally. People like that are emotional vampires and will suck away your happiness if you let yourself obsess about it. Let them go and be happier for it.

That you know love and respect are intrinsically connected. You cannot have love without respect. Everyone you love will at some point disappoint you, frustrate you, hurt your feelings or just get on your nerves. No one is exempt. When I am upset with your father, he shows how much he loves me be taking the time to listen thoughtfully and address his actions. Sometimes it's as simple as knowing I'm stressed out and taking you to the gym with him for an hour and a half so I have some quiet time or the chance to sleep in. Other times it takes concerted effort. But my happiness matters to him, and he makes that clear every day. Anyone can tell you they love you. They can even buy you presents, write you poetry, take you to extravagant dinners. But if the way you are treated without all the frills makes you feel like you are being judged, walking on eggshells, or causes you to question your value, there is no respect. That is not love. Love should reinforce and redeem you.

That you understand that you can't make someone care about something they don't care about. No matter how obvious it seems to you that something is important, vital, necessary, some people simply won't care. You can explain until you're blue in the face, or you can face facts: they don't WANT to care. Maybe it's laziness or maybe something just doesn't line up with their limited worldview or they way they would like to believe things are. It's easier for some people to write off or ignore problems than to engage in the difficult task of changing them.You can teach nothing to those who don't want to learn. Let it go. If they should care and they don't care, you're already looking at an irrational equation. No amount of searching for reasons and trying to understand why it doesn't compute will help. Just live by example and be the most beautiful and enlightening soul you can be. Those who are open to change will find you. Those who are not will fade out of your life.

That you keep your excitement and wonder. There are scary things out there. There is abundant sadness and tragedy. But this world is filled with so many incredible, inspiring, beautiful people who can remind you of all the good. Don't forget to watch the sunset, listen to the rain, smell pretty flowers, make snow angels, drink hot cocoa, belly laugh, dance with fireflies, feed the ducks, and listen to the stories of others. It will keep you young.

That you know you can be whoever you are and I will always love you and be proud of you. You tell me when you grow up you will be a superhero, and I want you to know I believe it with my whole heart. If you grow to find you don't fit the mold, know that you don't have to. Masculine, feminine, in love with men, women or nobody, skilled in math or terrible at basketball, interested in earning your Ph.D. or skipping college altogether to be an artist, green hair or no hair, it doesn't matter. What fulfills your heart and gives you purpose is what you should be doing, and I will support you in any and every way I can. Your happiness is your success. Be true to you. And don't ever back down out of fear of failure. You are capable of so much more than you will ever believe and just trying is evidence of courage and conviction. You are good enough. You are strong enough. You can do it.

My dearest one, through every trial I will be right there. When my times comes to leave you and this planet, know you will be my last thought and it will be one of the utmost pride and unconditional love. Trust me when I say you are my heart beating outside my chest. I love you more than I could ever express in words.

Love,

Your Mommy and #1 Fan

That's my girl.